i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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