He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
