i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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