DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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