OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
