she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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