I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
