Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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