My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
