Michael Bay diarrhea
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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