you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
