well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
