She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
