my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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