does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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