I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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