don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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