I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
