Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
