theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
