my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
