ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
