Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
