I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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