She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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