never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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