Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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