Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
