I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
