we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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