Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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