When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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