so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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