So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just cut my nipple shaving
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
