are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
