Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
