M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
