dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize