the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
