You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
