I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
