haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
