Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bring money and cleavage
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
