My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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