Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
