I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
