Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
