I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
