Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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