I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize