Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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