when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
birth control should be required to get into college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
