Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
