rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
