Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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