i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
