Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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