before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize