The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
