Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Randomize
