I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
