just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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