Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
