he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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