Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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