I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
