So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
