he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize