Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
