He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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