Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
