Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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