Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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