so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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