This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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